Greenwood High
by manbehindthehedges
Summary: Um.. various people from VFD in highschool. Some element of mystery in later chapters. I changed the trird chapter so it contains everything that should be in it.
1. Chapter 1

Greenwood High

Lemony sat at his desk, with his feet resting on the lid. He leaned back, and caught the beautiful sight of the afternoon sunlight, as it caught the beautiful Beatrice on the back of the head. Lemony didn't like science. There were only two things in the world that could get him through it.

1. Beatrice was nearby and he liked Beatrice.

2. English was just afterwards and he liked English, admittedly not in the same way.

Lemony also didn't like his science teacher. The old teacher had had an accident involving a helicopter and a bag of potatoes so they were stuck with a crazy substitute. Who didn't seem to like Lemony. He was tall and thin and had a greedy look in his small beady eyes. He reminded Lemony of an older, sinister version of his older brother Jacques. He also didn't like the fact he had just walked in to the room.

"Hello class." He said in his cold I'm-plotting-something voice

"Hello Professor" they half-heartedly said back

"Tut, tut, tut!" The Professor tutted, sitting down at his desk "Now I am going to take the register!" he smiled, patronizing the whole room, "I will call out a pupil's name and they will reply with the word 'here' followed by my name," (although they had known how to take a register for over ten years,) "I will start with no particular person and continue in no particular order," (although Lemony knew it would start with him, and so it did)

"Snicket, Lemony."

Lemony glared at the man sat in front of him. He stared back. He knew Lemony didn't like him, and Lemony knew he knew Lemony didn't like him, but Lemony also knew that he would leave Greenwood High in a year or two and would never have to deal with this awful man again. Or he thought he did. Somehow, this man seemed to say, 'I'll be watching you. It doesn't matter where you go, I'll always be there.' But still Lemony knew that he had to give in. The Professor still had power over him but he wouldn't have power forever.

Lemony sighed. "Here, Professor Olaf!"


	2. Chapter 2

Lemony struggled through the rest of the day OK, achieving full marks in his Creative Writing exam in English and had the honour of picking up one of Beatrice's books when she dropped it in the corridor. He slowly traipsed up to his dormitory and lay down on his bed. Then the lights went off. Lemony wouldn't say he was scared of the dark, but it was unnerving when he only put a light bulb in the day before. It couldn't have blown _that_ quickly! He stood up and heard the sound of footsteps behind him. He turned staring like a cat, straight in to the shadows. He heard them again. He twisted round, stepped forwards and tripped over his satchel. He landed on the floor, flailing around, trying to get up. But as he started to stand up, he saw a very familiar face with a very familiar eyebrow.

"Jacques?"

"Hi there, Little Brother!" Jacques grinned flicking the lights back on, "I wondered how long it would take you!"

"God Jacques, you nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought you were Professor Olaf!" Lemony then realised how babyish that sounded. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be down at the police station?"

"Can't work on a holy day, bro!"

"It's Friday!"

"Holy day starts at sunset! That was about five minutes ago! I love being Jewish!" He collapsed on to Lemony's bed. "So what's been happening? Pass any exams? Learn a new song? Finally talk in coherent words around Beatrice?"

"Shut up."

"Ooh, no need to be so _sour_ Lemony! You're being a little _sour_ today!"

"Listen either stop annoying me or get out!"

Jacques stopped smiling, suddenly becoming serious. "Actually there is something. It's a very sensitive matter."

They stared at each other for a while, until Lemony something that, to an observer, might have been very strange. He opened his wardrobe and stepped inside. There was the sound of many levers, pulleys and gears until a thick iron plate fell down and sealed off all the windows. The door slid back and several more iron bars fastened them self across it. The room was now soundproof, spyproof and most importantly, Olafproof.

"You got the letter then?" Jacques asked, rather rhetorically,

"That the codeword had changed? Of course I did. Hell of a time getting it past security though!"

"Well I'm glad you did. It's happened again. Royal Gardens." He said seeing the worried look on Lemony's face. "No deaths."

"Completely? But it was massive!"

"Down to the ground. But I didn't come here just to tell you that. It's been assigned to me. But I want you to come with me."

"Why?"

"Like you said, it's a big place. I need someone with a big memory."

"Won't the police mind a student there with you?" Lemony asked,

"They won't know!" Jacques said giving Lemony a funny look, until he realised what was going on, "It wasn't the _police_ that gave that assignment Lemony. It was V.F.D!"


	3. Chapter 3

Lemony sat at the bathroom door of Jacques fancy apartment. Kit, his older sister, had insisted on coming with them on Jacques volunteer mission. Kit, being Jacques's twin sister, shared many things with him. She shared a birthday. They shared their apartment. They shared their mother's womb before they were born. They even, when they were much, much younger shared a bath, to economise on water. Something else they shared, much to Kit's annoyance, was ocular facial hair. Kit always found that a woman having a monobrow was not ladylike. Anyone that dared to point out that Kit herself was not very ladylike would get a sudden glare. And no one can glare like a woman with a monobrow.

Lemony looked around at the rooms of Jacques apartment while Jacques banged on the bathroom door.

"I see you never threw away that old dollhouse!" Lemony laughed when he found it behind a chair,

"Hah!" Jacques laughed, abandoning his fruitless quest for the toilet, "I didn't have the heart!" He knelt down next to his brother and began to shake the little figures, 'Ah! No a fire! Somebody help!' 'Never fear! It's SuperJacques to the rescue!' 'Da dadada!' his childish playing was interrupted by a cry from the bathroom.

"Kit?" Lemony called, "What is it?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"No."

"Well, I'm coming out anyway!"

Kit, as I mentioned before, only had one eyebrow, and while you could honestly say that she still only had one eyebrow, there was still a rather large difference.

"What…" Jacques said, after his sides stopped splitting, "happened to you?"

"I was plucking out the middle bit," Kit began,

"And got a bit carried away?"

"And slipped and yanked out my left eyebr- left _side_ of my eyebrow," she corrected, "but what am I going to do?"

"I've got an idea," Lemony said, walking out the door, "try wearing a mask!"

As the Snickets finally began to investigate the Royal garden fire, Kit hiding behind a small black masquerade mask, they realised they were not alone. They could just see a tall man stood at the far end of the gardens, looking down at the floor, and then writing something in his little book.

"Who's he?" Lemony asked as they walked closer,

"Not a clue!" Jacques replied, "Never seen him before!"

"Kind of cute though!" Kit commented, clinging to her mask,

As they got closer still he heard then coming up towards him and gave them a little smile,

"Hello!" he grinned "Don't mind me!"

Now they were stood almost next to him, and could see he _was_ quite tall. His arms and legs stuck out at odd positions, as if he were made of drinking straws instead of flesh and bone.

"Hi," Jacques said, pulling out his police badge, "May I ask what you are doing here?"

"I'm under a private employer," he explained, "The owner of the land this was built on was a dear friend of my currant employer, and thought this was too sensitive a matter to come down personally. Is that a problem?"

The four of them stood there for a moment, until Jacques broke the silence by giggling.

"V.F.D, right?"

"Uh, yeah! I saw you coming and didn't recognise you. I thought I better talk in code. Sorry for thinking you were an impostor!"

"No need!" Jacques laughed, putting his badge away, "You can never have too much security! Jacques Snicket by the way, this is my brother Lemony, and the one with the mask is my sister Kit!"

"I'm Frank," Frank Denouement said, shaking hands with the two brothers. But as he reached out to shake hands with Kit, she did something she would never forget, at least for a few weeks. She took his hand in the same hand she was holding her disguise in. So as she brought down her hand, the Snickets new friend could see her previous mistake in the bathroom. This was not helped by Frank's next comment,

"Uh, your… your eyebrow?"


	4. Chapter 4

Kit abandoned her attempts to disguise her face. This didn't stop from trying to draw a new eyebrow on when they stopped for a coffee.

"What do you think the Frank Yahoo is really like?" Jacques asked them over his cappuccino,

"Don't call him a Yahoo!" Kit said, coffee running down her nose, "he seemed quite nice. Anyway he's in V.F.D, how bad can he be?"

"There are lots of bad people in V.F.D!" Lemony pointed out, "We call them _villains_!"

At that moment Kit pulled her mug in front of her face and whispered, "Shut up! Here he comes now!"

They did see a startlingly familiar looking man walk in, but Lemony cast his doubts, "Is that Frank? He looks different!"

"Of course it's Frank!" Jacques laughed "Look, he's even wearing bright orange- for goodness sake Kit, haven't you got an eyebrow pencil or something? Stop wasting coffee! Hey!" his last comment was not aimed at Kit but at Frank, "Hey come over here!"

He did come over, looking puzzled.

"Um, do I know you?" He asked

"Of course you know us! You met us five minutes ago!"

Jacques confidence was met with equally strong denial,

"I… I don't think so. I just came out of my apartment, I haven't met anyone! I'm sure I'd remem-"

"You're twins aren't you?" Lemony interrupted, not even taking his eyes of his coffee,

"Um, yeah kinda, how did you-"

"I've read a lot of books and know how these things go. Whenever anybody meets twins, they always meet them separately, and they've always had some feud and aren't talking, so it takes an inordinately long time for the bemused youngsters to figure out they're twins, and it takes an inordinately long time for the twins to figure out they're the same person, and when they do they have a jolly old laugh and go and have an adventure involving ginger beer, pieces of string or someone's sinister uncle, I don't have time for any of those at the moment, so just admit I'm right and we'll all get on with our lives! Agreed?"

"Um…" Ernest said, taken aback at Lemony's ability to say 114 words in one breath, "Um… yeah you are!"

"Right then," Jacques said, feeling he was losing too much control of this conversation, "Well yes, indeed, we thought you were Frank, yes sorry, won't happen again, I'm Jacques by the way, this is Kit, Lemony well we'll just be off then!" he pulled his siblings up and pulled them out of the coffee house.

"As they were half way down the street, the owner of the café was poking his head through the doorway and shouting at them.

"What do you think Mr Stefano is shouting at?" Kit wondered turning 'round and seeing what Mr Stefano was shouting at. Her. Holding his coffee mug.

"Oh, blow." She said, then turned and ran down the alley.


End file.
